side effects

i have been rather reclusive lately.
i blame the combination of chantax and birth control, started all at once.
i just don't really feel like doing anything when i'm home. well, except sleeping.

oh well.

i'll take a few weeks of side effects if it means i wont be smoking or reproducing.
plus i've heard nothing negative about 9 1/2 hours of sleep a night.

he calms me down

hmm

i am pretty darn sure that i keep hearing a band of horses song at work. a band of horses song that i do not know.
not being able to find out what this song's called is causing me much aggravation.

during my last visit to fancy face, her roommate had suggested that i may like the dresden dolls. for some reason, i had never listened to them. well, no matter how long it took me to realize this, i'm in fucking love...

2 blogs in one night... i am on a roll.

this wont be long, however, just a few words.

it made me happy being around fancy face on saturday, i don't realize how much i miss you or how long four months really is until i see her face again. plus the new, brighter and happier version of her is so lovely.

kori starts school tomorrow and she may be the one giving me the 'it'll be ok' pep talk in the morning. seriously, seeing her locker and how growed up her class room looked gave me serious seperation anxiety. lucky for me she is more logical than emotional.

i was worrying about nothing.

i've accepted, happily, that i will always miss some people.

i've been storing moments of pure happiness and pulling them out at random, necessary times. thanks to those who have helped out with my arsenal.

random, but something.

i hope i am worrying about nothing.

photos

So if you toss together a little humidity, miles of longing and a bit of bob dylan, you'll find ami in a holga type mood. evidence of this:

i wish i had a real holga. however i don't, and this was all done on photoshop. but i think i got the feel of it down.

prude

i stopped myself from uploading a photo, well without first re-editing it, on flickr. i thought the shadow of my ass was too...skanky i guess.

i am such a prude.

I opened my eyes
And looked up at the rain,
And it dripped in my head
And flowed into my brain,
And all that I hear as I lie in my bed
Is the slishity-slosh of the rain in my head.

I step very softly,
I walk very slow,
I can't do a handstand--
I might overflow,
So pardon the wild crazy thing I just said--
I'm just not the same since there's rain in my head.
(shel silverstein)

i don't want you to say goodbye.

due to the long day and the weed, this may be more of a visual entry.

recent youtube watches:


(though you should watch(listen to) the devotchka cover, fancy face)






(wish i could have found a better video, but ah well. his voice alone made me keep it playing)

this is what i do. late at night, when i have little energy left. smoke a little, imbibe a bit and watch music videos on youtube. thank you internet for helping me accept that mtv will never be there for me again.

(this is where i realize, 20 minutes later, that this window was still open)
do you ever feel like your leading a...well not double life..but two separate ones? like, it's one life, yours, but there are two different...i don't even know where i'm going with this, honestly. or how to explain where i am going with this. random fragmented thought, i reckon.

one more video... it seemed rather appropriate, on all fronts.
i tried to find the video for Rain that i watched about an hour ago...and it is gone, replaced by sucky ones.... but i ended watching this one... which, though i have a penchant for all the man does, is one of my favorite stories...

is there anything more precious than baby feet? seriously.

these feet belong to miss molly, who joined us last week.

i slept soundly last night. shortly but soundly, with dreams of t rides and spring time. it was all whirling but felt lovely. i'm hoping to recreate that tonight, well, at least the feeling.

i've come to the conclusion that may neighbors, if they have not already, will be on the steve wilkos show one day. they are crazy and keep bizarre company.

youtube is like that shiny thing to the kid who can't pay attention.

ami was a recluse

i've been lost in my head a lot lately.
sometimes i wish that the having the desire to share things with someone could be considered enough. there is a bit of guilt that plagues an introvert.

maybe i'm just better at listening.

settling into the apartment is going well. the neighbors are slightly on the noisy side, but that's a small thing. the lovely weather is even more cause to praise the amount of windows.
it's just seeming a little hard to get back into the swing of things, the routine. i guess now would be the best time to begin new routines, or just do away with them all together. time will tell how things go, but for now, i am content.

my ipod and i have been spending a lot of time outside. having a mini arboretum not even a block away makes it even more enjoyable. there is something indescribably serene about feeling the brisk wind on your skin, the slight warmth of the sun on your face, with your eyes closed. this will destroy you has proven to be a good soundtrack for such times.

the weed and the wine have conspired together. they wish to have my undivided attention, and insist i end this ranting to someone, or no one.

yet to get old

as if reading it a ridiculous amount of times is not enough, i find myself equally addicted to this adaptation. if you haven't, you should.

titus.

i owe someone some details. i want to share, but after a few beverages, the keyboard and i end our friendship. maybe video messages are the way to go. prerecorded if imbibing too much may be best, hit record halfway through drink one. i'm rambling, in the wrong place at that.

here, my thoughts are slow. to him, they'd be faster than my influenced fingers would allow me to type.

Joys This Evening

1. I just realized that I can watch Leave Her To Heaven entirely on Youtube.
2. Pinot Noir.
3. Those two things being combined.

Starting Fresh

It looks like I am moving. After six years in this quiet little apartment, I say goodbye.

It'll be weird, not being here. It's been so long. So many things have taken place inside these walls. Kori has grown into the beautiful human being she is today before my eyes, in this place. I've laughed, screamed, cried, shared, loved, danced (oh goodness, have I danced), grown, in this place.

We've just outgrown it. While I will miss the 5 acre wooded yard and the lack of neighbors, I need more space and windows. Oh, how i yearn for more natural light. Plus the girl in me loves the claw foot bathtub. I am not looking forward to the hassle that comes with relocating, but I am hopeful of the outcome.

Here are a few photos. I have more, but these are out of RAW at the moment.

A Forced Entry

It's been snowing since yesterday. I got to spend the day at home because of that. Kori and I spent the day playing in the snow, shoveling and baking banana bread. No better way to spend a forced snow day.

Is it weird that I have yet another online blog that I tell no one about? I wonder if it is even worth it, having myself split up between two 'journals'. Real thoughts and kind of real thoughts. But half way through the the thought, I've answered it. It is. It is getting the thoughts out, just at a level of comfort that I need. I guess. Babble babble, this wretched weed!

I've had some inappropriate dreams lately. My cheeks flush as I typed that. Clearly not ready to talk about that.

I am hoping that the shoveling out of my car tomorrow morning is no that big of an ordeal....
I really should have done something about it today.

My weekend didn't go as planned. While this bummed me out a bit, I tried to be photographically productive anyhow. There are some posted on my flickr page. This one I began working on this evening. I'm not sure why I liked it, but I did. It isn't finished and I had to stop working on it. I find that if I look at a photo too long, while doing postwork, I begin to find things I hate. I'll revisit it tomorrow or something and finish it.
But here it is so far:



I'm not sure what I think about it anymore. But we'll see in a day or two.

Untitled

across the pond
reeds bow against
the soft charge of night

change

further down
they are fingers
inviting me to the pleasures
of Death by water

it's split-second
passion, it's surrendered
sound of exploding lungs

like poor bells ringing
underwater, and
it's late at night.

too tired for words

Damien Rice and Red Wine are lulling me to sleep tonight.

Gumdrops and Saturdays

Saturday was a busy day.

First, Chris and I headed to a 'meet the artist' type thing where he is showing two pieces of his artwork.


I only got a picture of one of his pieces. Mainly because the gentleman sitting in front of the other one, eating some sort of apple pastry, frightened me too much snap his photo. I did, however, get a shot of some old books.

I also scored La Bête humaine on VHS for three bucks. Which no one i have encountered since seems to understand my excitement over. I also bought a really nice photograph that was being shown at the shop.

Afterward, we stopped at a pawn shop and i scored almost all of Gaiman's The Sandman for $45 bucks. I am missing two, but it seemed worth it.

We then went to a friend's surprise 30th birthday party. It was (mostly) a good time. I got to see a lot of the people I was surrounded by most of my high school days. Also others I haven't seen in years.

I'm in the middle of your picture

I only stick with you
Because there are no others



I happen to be listening to this song while doing
the post work to this photo. I was going a whole
different direction when I started, but the mood
was changed. The entire radiohead playlist listed
to the right of that video is amazing.

I wish Thom Yorke could sing me lullabies .

untitled

sepia dreams and a blurred reality

on this night

I haven't been sleeping well lately. Too many dreams, too many abrupt endings to said dreams. Ya know how it goes.

I watched a documentary earlier called Born Into Brothels. Highly recommended. I teared up a bit. Though that can be said for a number of things, it should be watched.